By the end of the training I felt that yes, it was no accident that I was in that place at that time with those people. I’m a certified Yoga of 12 Step Recovery (Y12SR) space holder/leader now. I’ve done a lot of work over the past 30 years and this weekend was part of the ongoing process of transformation. I’m grateful for the opportunity to let the issues that were trapped in my tissues arise in a safe place, with safe people. I feel pretty raw and I still have this dang cold. But healing ain’t easy. As I’ve said in The Power of Vow, you gotta feel the pain if you want to heal the pain. And, as they say in the rooms, you gotta name it to claim it. We don’t have to do it along. Y12SR is a great way to do this work. I’m looking forward to starting two new meeting/classes here in Portland very soon.
But like me and my inability to even read the news, we tune out the suffering. We tune out our awareness of the infinite sufferings of infinite beings. But all of us are connected to all of the sufferings of all of the beings who have ever lived, who have ever suffered, who have ever died and who are alive and suffering and those who will live and suffer and die. This is our interdependence. This is all happening within us. We’re currently in one of the safer periods in the history of our planet. We have more medicine, more tools, more travel, better communication, more education than ever. There have been plagues and slavery and abuse and insanity and it’s all been going on since the beginning of time. The horror show continues. It’s not just the latest shooting that we should be concerned about. I think about this stuff every day. I think sometimes people look at me and see the look on my face and in my eyes and wonder, “What the fuck is going on in this guy’s head?” I’ll tel you what’s going on.
The problem with the addicted state and our fixation on it is that we refuse to accept that it is not real, not permanent and not what we have convinced ourselves that it is. However, as anyone who has lived through teenage heartbreak knows, this too does indeed pass. But there’s knowing it on a mental level, where we tell ourselves that we understand the concept of impermanence, and there’s a deep, experiential knowing of this Buddhist principle, where we feel it at the core, at the root, at inception. That’s where delusion dissolves and we begin to break free. My Zen teacher used to say, “A little crack opens up..and the light comes in. That’s the beginning.” But the beginning of what?