Today I had another healing session with my shaman, Rosemary Beam. She asked me to speak from the voice of the part of me is unforgiving to other parts. What I learned is that one side is powerful and strong and unwilling or unable to feel much else besides anger. This side can be harsh and rigid and keeps the “self” from having full, healthy relationships. Another side is open, intuitive and vulnerable.

It’s easy to talk spiritual trips when all is well. It’s a mother to live the teachings when your guts churn from the inside out, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, month after month. It’s hard when you hurt people you love. It’s real hard when someone asks you how you’re doing in public and you break down crying, unable to catch a breath. Pain is deep. Samsara is beginningless.